Celebrity News:

Celebrities louse up. They blunder and bungle and behave badly. They cheat. They get coked up. They make crap movies or forgettable music. They get arrested. They get into brawls. Sometimes they get an orange jumpsuit and ankle bling out of it. Sometimes just a Barbara Walters special.

And just as inevitable? That they rebound. That they emerge, contrite and clean, to win over the same public that delighted in their tumble from grace and stardom.

The comeback has become as much a part of the celebrity cycle as being plucked out of obscurity or winding up a "tragic reminder of the dark side of Hollywood." Almost any wrongdoing -- I say almost any -- is forgivable if the mea culpa is sincere or at least correctly staged.

That's good news for all, but good news particularly for the following five:

1. BRITNEY SPEARS


WE FORGET -- WHY IS SHE FAMOUS? For oh so many reasons. The midriff-baring school-girl outfit. The come-hither squeakiness of her otherwise unexceptional voice. The nimble puppetry of managers and handlers who deftly exploited her budding barely legal sexuality with each new strip-tease-as-spectator-sport, each new writhing, nearly nude video. Oh, and she sang. Can't really remember what.

WHAT WENT SO HORRIBLY WRONG? She's country, y'all. A perfectly viable explanation, really, for the booze, the babies, the husbands, the flashes of vag, the hit-and-run charges and a career-annihilating performance at the MTV Music Video Awards from which infections may have been transmitted. That or she's a cretinous hick.

ODDS OF A COMEBACK: The ozone layer has a better chance of repairing itself than Spears has of salvaging her once-stratospheric standing. Even her new single, Gimmie More, begs the question, what does she want more of? Fried chicken? Cigarettes? Body shots? It's not a question of if she'll ever be rooming with Vince Neil on The Surreal Life. It's a question of when.

2. VANESSA HUDGENS

WE FORGET -- WHY IS SHE FAMOUS? Hudgens is the 18-year-old star of the horrendously popular Disney Channel franchise High School Musical, which makes Happy Days look like Larry Clark's Kids. If that weren't enough, she's also dating her singing-and-dancing co-star, girly man Zac Efron.

WHAT WENT SO HORRIBLY WRONG? Naked photos she took of herself ended up online. No one was more stunned by this than Efron, who was shocked to learn he was dating a girl.

ODDS OF A COMEBACK: She's already repented, apologizing to her fans for the fiasco. While Disney can't be pleased, one is reminded that a wisely applied smattering of dirt never hurt the plans of ambitious, seemingly squeaky clean teenage starlets (i.e.: Jessica Biel).

3. LINDSAY LOHAN

WE FORGET -- WHY IS SHE FAMOUS? She can act. And she used to make hit movies like Freaky Friday and Mean Girls. In other words, she did it the old-fashioned way.

WHAT WENT SO HORRIBLY WRONG? Sex with Wilmer Valderrama. The clubbing, drugs, liquor, party-hard ex-con parents and throngs of sycophants sound pretty trivial after that.

ODDS OF A COMEBACK: Tough call. The issue isn't whether she'll ever win an Academy Award -- it's whether or not she'll have to sell it to pay for crack.

4. OWEN WILSON

WE FORGET -- WHY IS HE FAMOUS? Because he's one of the most engaging, well-liked comedic stars of his generation. Not only has he basked in the commercial appeal of such smashes as Wedding Crashers, but he was nominated for an Oscar for co-writing The Royal Tenenbaums. Shtupping Kate Hudson didn't hurt him either. (Well, except for the humiliation of knowing she's now shtupping Dax Shepard.)

WHAT WENT SO HORRIBLY WRONG? No one can say for sure why he apparently tried to kill himself, although published reports have speculated about drugs and depression and the box office of You, Me and Dupree (above).

ODDS OF A COMEBACK: All but assured, as long as he doesn't do something really stupid. You know, like make Behind Enemy Lines 2.

5. TOM CRUISE

WE FORGET -- WHY IS HE FAMOUS? Because he is the most successful movie star of his generation -- from Risky Business and Top Gun to Jerry Maguire and the Mission Impossible franchise. In 20 years, he never took a misstep until ...

WHAT WENT SO HORRIBLY WRONG? Oprah. The sofa. Katie. The comment about chewing off his baby's placenta. The diatribe against psychiatry. All the stumping for Scientology. Mission Impossible III didn't do poorly, but it did poorly enough for Paramount Pictures to effectively fire him.

ODDS OF A COMEBACK: If the sofa-hopping wasn't enough of a hint, Cruise has a lot of energy. And he has made resuscitating his A-list career ranking a priority. On the personal front, he has laid low (after firing his publicist/sister). Professionally, he is now in charge of his own studio (United Artists) where he's producing and starring in Lions for Lambs with Robert Redford (out this November) and Valkyrie, a World War II thriller in which he plays the real-life German colonel who tried to assassinate Adolph Hitler (out next summer). The guy joked about eating his baby's placenta -- do you really want to underestimate him?

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COMEBACKS...

WE WANT TO SEE

Whitney Houston: Houston, she had a problem. And after years of waiting to see if she'd kick Bobby Brown out of the crack den and on to the curb, fans rejoiced as Houston put a cap in him (legally if not literally). Now the question is, with a new album in the works can the now-clean songstress finally prove that her followers will always love her?

Kiefer Sutherland/24: Jack Bauer's alter-ego was busted for allegedly driving drunk this week. Sutherland's predilection for heavy libation has never been a state secret, but this news arrives at a time when his once-riveting show -- coming off its worst season -- needs to re-collect itself. And fast.

Phil Donahue: Back when Republicans were actually popular, Donahue was devoting an hour to Ralph Nader, taking jabs at revered Ronald Reagan and wearing a dress. Who wouldn't pay to see a cage match between him and Bill O'Reilly?

Axl Rose: Yes, China will be democratic before he's ready to release Chinese Democracy, meaning he'll shelf it and instead begin work on the United Soviet of America. And we'd still be curious.

Colin Farrell: Farrell, who's been known more for rehabbing and box office bombs than anything else recently, won over even hardened cynics when he took a homeless man on a shopping spree during this month's Toronto filmfest.

WE DON'T NEED TO SEE

Donald Trump and Rosie O'Donnell: It's inevitable that, like bad calamari, these two will be back up someday. But as enemies or, in a more cynical publicity stunt, as partners?

Garth Brooks: Hopefully, no one ever has to hear him sing Achy Breaky Heart again. What's that? Oh. Sorry. Wrong guy.

Ben Affleck: Like his heterosexual life partner Matt Damon, Affleck had the keys to the kingdom, but, unlike Damon, squandered it on bloated salaries for mediocre movies (Paycheck, Pearl Harbor, Gigli) and Jennifer Lopez's posterior.

Paris Hilton: I was told by someone close to Hilton's next movie, which is shooting in Toronto, that, while the hotel heiress (left) smokes like a chimney (and no, that's not a euphemism), she also realizes her acting has to improve. Guess she saw her sex tape, too.

The Spice Girls: Not unexpectedly, Scary Spice's paternity spat with "I'm not the daddy!" Eddie Murphy has much more entertainment value than anything the quintet's reunion will offer.

THAT ACTUALLY WORKED

Hugh Grant: After being busted with Divine Brown, Grant handled the fall-out with such skill, he arguably became more popular because of it. In doing so, Grant provided the template for the modern movie star scandal.

Robert Downey Jr.: After being a repeat rehabber for years, Downey Jr. got clean and sober and started reminding everyone of his considerable gifts in such films as Kiss Kiss Bang Bang and Zodiac. He's even cashed in on the superhero craze, starring in next year's big-budget Iron Man film.

Mariah Carey: After an epic meltdown that saw her stripping and incoherently doling out popsicles on MTV -- hospitalization followed shortly thereafter -- she bounded back with the No. 1 album The Emancipation of Mimi.

John Travolta: For a guy who knows how to fly a plane, Travolta's career trajectory has never been smooth. After lagging of late, Travolta has starred in two $100 million-plus hits this year -- Wild Hogs and Hairspray. Next up: A spoof-remake of the TV soap Dallas.

Patrick Dempsey: It's ironic he's now known as McDreamy (left) since for years everyone probably assumed he was working at McDonald's.

AND TWO COMEBACKS THAT WILL NEVER HAPPEN

Michael Jackson: Why not? The answer is as plain as the nose on his face.

O.J. Simpson: If by comeback, you mean be forever branded a repellent pariah, then yes, he has an outstanding shot at a comeback.